On 18 July 2022, less than two weeks after joining Borussia Dortmund for $27.4 million, forward Sebastien Haller felt ill and missed training.
For a few weeks, he had not felt entirely right, but he believed it was a stomach issue or possibly a hernia. Within twenty-four hours, a testicular tumor was identified.
The 28-year-old Ivory Coast international, who joined West Ham for a then-record £45 million in 2019, underwent chemotherapy and two operations.
He returned to training last month and made his Dortmund debut against Augsburg on January 22 as a second-half substitute. On World Cancer Day, February 4, Haller scored his first goal for his new club, Freiburg.
Before the first leg of the Champions League quarterfinal against Chelsea, Haller sat down with BBC Sport to discuss the implications of his cancer diagnosis.
There is no time for feeling
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Haller had to clarify what he was being told, but even the mention of the word cancer did not frighten him.
“On the first day, I was unaware that I had cancer,” he explains. “They merely said ‘tumor’. But I am not a physician. I did not comprehend its precise meaning. I recently queried the doctor. It’s cancer, huh? He said ‘Yes’. So I said, ‘Well just say it’.
“Of course, you realize that this is a very grave situation and that many things might change. However, the urologist helped me overcome my fear. He stated I will recover well. I took his remarks at their value.”
Haller is a son, a brother, and a father. He is also a spouse. His first call was to his wife Priscilla, who was on vacation with their three children.
“There was no room for feeling,” he reflects. “She had the children while I had other obligations. I have to be honest. Please take a seat. I must tell you something important. It has to be swift for her to be able to process.
“Unfortunately, it is the situation when one is married. Everyone must share everything. You cannot simply avoid certain aspects of the situation.”
‘My kids witnessed my face altering’
Haller had no qualms about making his voyage public. From his hospital bed, he uploaded photographs to social media. As his chemotherapy treatment began to take effect, a new image of him balding arose.
Haller asserts that his social media photos accurately depict him. “If I were alone with my wife, it would likely be different.”
But once you have children, you have no time to feel sorry for yourself because they require you. Regardless of what has occurred, you must demonstrate that everything is fine.
“Of course, there are horrible times, but I do not believe that was the lowest point. Even though it was emotionally difficult since I was ill, everyone’s attention was focused on me, not on other people or my family members who also suffer. A major problem is that nobody cares about them.
“It was quite complicated for them. They observed only my face change as I evolved. This was the most challenging aspect to manage. You feel more anxious and tense. It makes us more mindful of what we say and how we behave with one another.”
The entire football community rallied around Haller, who was overwhelmed by the words of support he got. One came from Erik ten Hag, his former employer at Ajax. Haller never doubted that he would return. However, he did feel sorry for Dortmund.
“I was thinking, ‘They’ve just acquired a player, and after two weeks I won’t be able to play for who knows how long’,” he adds.
What a terrible deal. Obviously, I desired to return and repay the support they provided. This was of vital importance.
They donated to me prior to my ability to reciprocate. I was ill, and they provided me with support. But I always knew I would succeed. It was largely mental, and the second surgery made it somewhat more difficult, but I knew I would recover.
Haller is delighted to be back in the “unique” dressing room environment. For him, scoring is the greatest feeling in the world.
“In this moment, nothing is more important than you,” he says. “Everyone is gazing at you. Everybody is yelling. You’re in the clouds.”
“We must check – don’t be embarrassed”
Now, Haller feels optimistic about the future. The malignancy does not elicit negative emotions. Neither does his disastrous Premier League stint with West Ham, the only time in his career when scoring goals was an issue.
“I have nothing to prove,” Haller replies. “Not everyone can know why a player is performing poorly, and nobody cared even if they did. You are on the field of play and must perform.
“I did not display my best self at West Ham, which is regrettable. It may have been better, but the past cannot be changed.
“You are wasting time when you focus on the things that did not work instead of the positive things you have in front of you. Every Champions League match is unique.”
Haller concludes with a statement. If he, an incredibly fit professional athlete at the pinnacle of his career, can get a tumor, then anyone can.
“The most essential thing is to not believe that it can only happen to others,” he says. Seven months prior, I was one of them. I was physically fit and doing well. Within three months, the level of this tumor was extremely elevated.
“We need to verify. You should not feel shame. We are not just looking out for ourselves, but also for our loved ones and neighbors. It could save many lives.”
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