Michelle Obama has said that she experiences self-consciousness and a “fearful mentality,” but that women need to “learn to embrace ourselves as we are.”
The former US first lady admits in her new book that she “hates how I look all the time and no matter what.” But she said on BBC Breakfast that she has discovered ways to be kind to herself.
“I’m still a work in progress, and approaching myself with something lovely each morning is still a battle,” she said.
“I try every day, like I say in the book, to greet myself with a pleasant message,” she concluded.
And it’s really unfortunate that so many of us, especially women, find it difficult to just look at our image without dissecting it and identifying what’s wrong.
“I believe that is the root of some of our disquiet and discontent since it is difficult to instill love in others if we don’t learn to love ourselves first.
I, therefore, work on it every day. Between 2009 and 2017, Mrs. Obama, 58, and her husband Barack lived in the White House.
She was informed by BBC Breakfast’s Naga Munchetty in the one and only UK interview for her book The Light We Carry: “You are seen as a powerhouse.
“You are viewed as this strong, established, and intelligent lady… What hope are there for the rest of us if you’re feeling this way?
“I believe that’s the point of sharing it,” Mrs. Obama retorted.
“We all have those terrible beliefs that we’ve lived with for years, especially as women and as women of color, where we don’t see ourselves reflected in our society,” she said.
“I think we’re in a better position, but one of the things I talked about was what it was like growing up, not just as a black woman, but as a tall black woman, before the Serena and Venus [Williams] years, before the WNBA [Women’s National Basketball Association], and before having role models other than gymnasts to look up to.
To feel good about ourselves, “it is necessary for us to see who we can be.” She also discussed the significance of addressing the “fear that naturally develops in all of us.”
“There is real tremendous growth on the other side of that sensation of terror if you can master your fear if you can become comfortably afraid — be afraid of the things that can put you in danger, but be open to the things that can propel you forward.
I can now affirm that what I am today is the consequence of my pushing past my comfort zone, calming my fearful thoughts, and accepting the challenge that could have otherwise held me back.
In the book, Mrs. Obama admits that the moment her husband told her he wanted to run for president caused her the most anxiety she had ever experienced.
It’s weird to consider that my anxiety might have changed the course of history, she writes.
She gave him her support, telling BBC Breakfast that it was “totally worth taking that leap of faith.”
She said, “I lived through the history of too many individuals whose lives were restricted by their dread of something different, particularly African American people, my grandfathers included.
There were “genuine anxieties that a black man showing up in the wrong neighborhood, at the wrong time, in the wrong location, and looking the wrong way could mean his murder” when her grandparents were growing up, she said.
The universe of my grandfathers, both of them, seemed to get narrower and smaller with each passing year to the point that they didn’t trust anyone they didn’t know, not even doctors. And because of that, he missed diagnosing lung cancer in one of my grandmothers.
“I use that as an illustration of how so many of us are enmeshed in our sameness and averse to encountering or understanding someone who doesn’t share our appearance, our feelings, or our opinions. As a result, we live in a smaller globe and are more receptive to misinformation and conspiracy ideas.
“We begin to fear anyone different from us. That is not a good environment. I want young people in particular to be able to distinguish between the fear that will keep them safe and the fear that will keep them trapped in a limited world when they experience that jolt of fear.
Have we made any progress?
She continued by saying that more and more people “feel like they don’t matter on this globe” and that Donald Trump succeeding Barack Obama “still stings.”
She explained that moment when you had to decide whether anything was worthwhile. Did we leave a mark? Has it mattered? And I might say, “Well, maybe not,” when I’m at my lowest, most illogical point. We might not have been good enough.
“But then I look around, and I think, well, my gosh, there’s a whole world of young people who are thinking differently about themselves because of the work that we’ve done, when there is more clarity when I can deconstruct those sentiments and think more logically.
“In the eight years that we were there, was everything fixed? Without a doubt. Change doesn’t happen in this way. Yet we marked the ground with a marker. We moved the wheel a little bit. Progress, though, is not about making headway. Ups and downs as well as stagnation exist. That is how change works.
And for that reason, the work we’re doing now is focused on enabling the following generation.
The Obama Foundation, whose goal is to “inspire, empower, and connect people to transform their world,” is currently governed by the couple.
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